Ryan Wayne Milley (Bear)
September 1979 ~ June 1998
Ryan’s Story
Copyright
Ryan was born in 1979. He was a beautiful little boy. He was always smiling, happy, funny and loving. He was the same throughout his life which would end short.
Ryan had just graduated high school, just reached his pro-golf status, and discovered he was in love with one of his lifelong friends and preparing for college. His dream was to play pro golf and own his own club and call it “Hackwood”.
11:00 AM ~ Father’s Day 1998, We went to church and lunch with our beautiful son, Ryan. Little did we know it would be the last Father’s Day and lunch we would share.
7:00 PM ~That evening, Ryan became ill with a fever and earache. Being in the medical field for all of my adult life and having EMS training, I knew all the questions to ask, does your head hurt, does your neck hurt, your stomach? The answer to all was no. I knew about meningitis but not meningococcemia. I knew the typical signs and symptoms of meningitis which was a stiff neck and a headache. Ryan had none of them. With meningococcemia you don’t always. The bacteria enters the blood directly and becomes deadly.
Throughout the night Ryan’s fever was up and down. Later I would find out that an unrelenting fever is often a sign of meningitis and meningococcemia.
5:00 AM ~ In the early morning Ryan got up and drank water. Bob, his dad jumped out of bed and met Ryan in the hall and said are you ok? Ryan strangely looked at his dad and said, “Yes, dad I am fine.” But he wasn’t. His dad went on to work. Ryan went back to bed. I lay awake watching the clock to call the doctor.
Ryan had always had a high pain tolerance and he rarely complained. His appendix had ruptured and he had peritonitis just 8 months before and he never complained once.
8:00 AM ~ Later in the morning, I went in to check on Ryan. He was still running fever and was starting to complain with leg pain and did not want the light on. More signs of meningococcemia I would find out later.
8:15 AM ~ I called our doctor and got an appointment for later in the morning. I then called my sister who is a seasoned 911 paramedic. As we spoke about Ryan, he came into my room and in the dim light I could see he had what appeared to be brown patches on his upper legs. I thought maybe he had developed diarrhea. I told him baby go take a shower we are going to the doctor. He said, “Mom, I just got out of the shower. “ I turned on the light and could see what appeared to be hickies, bruises, a pinpoint purple rash and purple blotches on his body. My sister still on the phone said, “You need to get him to the hospital he could have meningitis.” Meningitis!! He did not have a stiff neck or a headache. Oh my God!!!! I called the doctor back and spoke to our doctor. He said, get him here fast. Because we lived in a rural area I decided it would be faster to take Ryan myself.
8:25 AM ~ We were on the way to the hospital. I drove 15 miles in 7 minutes. I remember Ryan fading in an out and talking out of his head. His heart rate was off the chart. I kept telling him hang on baby, hang on.
8:32 AM ~ We pulled into the hospital parking lot. I helped Ryan out of the car. His sandal fell off. I told him to leave it. He said, “No I want my sandal on mom. “ I bent down on my knees and put that size 14 shoe back on his foot. We continued on. My doc had told me, “Bring him through my office I will take him directly into ER.” His office was connected. We got to the elevator. People were trying to get on. I told them no, he has meningitis. Ryan said’ Mom I can’t feel my legs. He collapsed. I carried my 6’2.5 baby boy into that office screaming help. We got Ryan on the gurney. He looked at me and asks, “Am I going to be Ok?” I did not answer. As we wheeled Ryan to the ER treatment room I called his dad.
8:48 AM ~ Ryan was in treatment. His heart rate off the chart, he began to throw up blood. The nurse said, “Ryan we are putting a stomach tube in honey because you are throwing up. “ Ryan said, “I am sorry.” She looked at me with tears and said, “My God he is a apologizing. What a good boy you have. “ Ryan would have 4 spinal taps with only blood in the syringe. A Foley was put in pure blood was coming from his kidneys, stomach, his ears, eyes and mouth.
9:00 AM ~ His dad arrived. He went to Ryan’s side. Ryan said,”My feet are cold.” His dad put the cover over his feet. I stood in the corner. I was watching the life fade from my beautiful boy. As if I was looking through a window. I began to ask God to do what was best for Ryan. The hardest prayer I would ever pray because I knew Ryan would most likely die.
The team was staidly working on Ryan. So many people, IVs, Antibiotics, X-Rays, lab work, all of this was becoming a blur to me. They had brought in the respirator. Ryan’s dad was trapped between the wall and the gurney where Ryan laid. I was trying to get to him to get him out of the room.
9:20 AM ~ Ryan’s heart stopped. Cold Blue was called!! That horrible hospital call I had heard many times for patients in the hospital. This time it was for my only child, my life. His dad was reaching for him, crying, screaming, “Daddy loves you baby boy,” Before CPR could be started Ryan’s heart on its’ own, started beating. It would beat just long enough for Ryan to tell his dad, “I know.” They gave us the EKGs to prove this miracle we had just witnessed.
I got Bob into the hall. The ER staff asks if we wanted to go next door. I said no, I want to hear when my baby goes home. They brought a chair. I sat with my head leaned against the treatment room door. Bob began to pray. A nurse came and said,” I am going to be Ryan’s ICU nurse.” I said, Ryan is not going to ICU he is going home to the Father. She knelt at my feet and began to pray. The whole ER was crying, even other patients. My family and some of our close friends had arrived.
I heard the doctor ask God to help him save this child.
10:15 AM ~ June 22, 1998, our only child, our beautiful boy was pronounced dead. In just a little over 15 hours Ryan had gone from perfect health to blood coming from every orifice of his body and death.
10:20 AM ~ The ER attending came out crying and said, “I am so sorry I did everything I could.” I hugged him and said thank you. He began to really cry and said, “No one has ever thanked me when their child died. Ryan was a beautiful young man. God Bless You! “
10:30 AM~ We were allowed to go in and see Ryan. Our pastor came in with us. We were not allowed to touch him. They said, he might still be contagious, like we cared. We wanted to go with him. As we were there a justice of the peace came in and said because Ryan had died in less than 24 hours after reaching the ER, he had to have an autopsy. So now they were going to put my beautiful boy in a body bag and take him to a morgue and dissect, probe and cut him to find a cause of death. My God!!
The medical examiner would later tell me because of what the meningococcal bacteria had done to Ryan’s body, he would have been blind, deaf, lost all 4 limbs, had no kidney or adrenal gland function. He had severe brain damage. He went on to say Ryan was a perfect specimen of a young man including he had not one cavity in his mouth, except for what the meningitis had done to his body. “
11:30 AM ~ We left the hospital. Our pastor, Brother Barry, stayed with Ryan until they loaded him in the car. I will never forget this love he showed us and Ryan in our darkest hours.
By the time we got home, I could not even walk. I fell in the yard and screamed and cried.
Oue family and close friends came in and took over everything.
Bob and I went to the bedroom and held each other, prayed and thank God that we had no regrets with our son.
The days that followed were pretty much a blur.
We buried Ryan on Thursday. The funeral home quit counting at over 500 people. Ryan’s funeral was a celebration of life and the Lord. He had 18 pallbearers. They all knelt at his casket and prayed together and they prepared his casket for burial each one of them, kissing him, telling him good night and I love you. Friend after friend came up and told how Ryan had made a difference in their life. The music was beautiful. Brother Barry gave an amazing eulogy and testimony to Ryan’s life. Over 100 people gave their life to the Lord at Ryan’s funeral. A beautiful note was read from a foreign exchange student who had been next door for the last year. She wrote that through Ryan’s life, heart and death she had found a new faith and the Lord.
As we stood at Ryan’s grave spot in the hot Texas heat with hundreds of people, a young man name Curtis Brawly sang Amazing Grace. It was as if the whole world had stopped. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. As if Heaven had came down to where we were.
Within 48 hours I found there was a vaccine that could have saved Ryan. Why did I not know about it? Why was it not available to us? Why did my son died needlessly?
I partnered with 4 other parents, the Waghorn’s, the Kepferle’s and the Garner’s who had lost their children. We went to the drug company that made the only vaccine at the time and educated ourselves on the disease and the vaccine. We spoke with CDC about vaccinating. We each started work that would become life time. Meningitis Angels was started in memory of Ryan.
Since 2001, in Texas, laws have been passed to prevent this deadly disease. Meningitis Angels including Leslie Meigs, Harley Beaty , Joan Vasbinder along with myself have led this advocacy. We still fight!!
I am Frankie Milley, Ryan’s Mom
Ryan was born in 1979. He was a beautiful little boy. He was always smiling, happy, funny and loving. He was the same throughout his life which would end short.
Ryan had just graduated high school, just reached his pro-golf status, and discovered he was in love with one of his lifelong friends and preparing for college. His dream was to play pro golf and own his own club and call it “Hackwood”.
11:00 AM ~ Father’s Day 1998, We went to church and lunch with our beautiful son, Ryan. Little did we know it would be the last Father’s Day and lunch we would share.
7:00 PM ~That evening, Ryan became ill with a fever and earache. Being in the medical field for all of my adult life and having EMS training, I knew all the questions to ask, does your head hurt, does your neck hurt, your stomach? The answer to all was no. I knew about meningitis but not meningococcemia. I knew the typical signs and symptoms of meningitis which was a stiff neck and a headache. Ryan had none of them. With meningococcemia you don’t always. The bacteria enters the blood directly and becomes deadly.
Throughout the night Ryan’s fever was up and down. Later I would find out that an unrelenting fever is often a sign of meningitis and meningococcemia.
5:00 AM ~ In the early morning Ryan got up and drank water. Bob, his dad jumped out of bed and met Ryan in the hall and said are you ok? Ryan strangely looked at his dad and said, “Yes, dad I am fine.” But he wasn’t. His dad went on to work. Ryan went back to bed. I lay awake watching the clock to call the doctor.
Ryan had always had a high pain tolerance and he rarely complained. His appendix had ruptured and he had peritonitis just 8 months before and he never complained once.
8:00 AM ~ Later in the morning, I went in to check on Ryan. He was still running fever and was starting to complain with leg pain and did not want the light on. More signs of meningococcemia I would find out later.
8:15 AM ~ I called our doctor and got an appointment for later in the morning. I then called my sister who is a seasoned 911 paramedic. As we spoke about Ryan, he came into my room and in the dim light I could see he had what appeared to be brown patches on his upper legs. I thought maybe he had developed diarrhea. I told him baby go take a shower we are going to the doctor. He said, “Mom, I just got out of the shower. “ I turned on the light and could see what appeared to be hickies, bruises, a pinpoint purple rash and purple blotches on his body. My sister still on the phone said, “You need to get him to the hospital he could have meningitis.” Meningitis!! He did not have a stiff neck or a headache. Oh my God!!!! I called the doctor back and spoke to our doctor. He said, get him here fast. Because we lived in a rural area I decided it would be faster to take Ryan myself.
8:25 AM ~ We were on the way to the hospital. I drove 15 miles in 7 minutes. I remember Ryan fading in an out and talking out of his head. His heart rate was off the chart. I kept telling him hang on baby, hang on.
8:32 AM ~ We pulled into the hospital parking lot. I helped Ryan out of the car. His sandal fell off. I told him to leave it. He said, “No I want my sandal on mom. “ I bent down on my knees and put that size 14 shoe back on his foot. We continued on. My doc had told me, “Bring him through my office I will take him directly into ER.” His office was connected. We got to the elevator. People were trying to get on. I told them no, he has meningitis. Ryan said’ Mom I can’t feel my legs. He collapsed. I carried my 6’2.5 baby boy into that office screaming help. We got Ryan on the gurney. He looked at me and asks, “Am I going to be Ok?” I did not answer. As we wheeled Ryan to the ER treatment room I called his dad.
8:48 AM ~ Ryan was in treatment. His heart rate off the chart, he began to throw up blood. The nurse said, “Ryan we are putting a stomach tube in honey because you are throwing up. “ Ryan said, “I am sorry.” She looked at me with tears and said, “My God he is a apologizing. What a good boy you have. “ Ryan would have 4 spinal taps with only blood in the syringe. A Foley was put in pure blood was coming from his kidneys, stomach, his ears, eyes and mouth.
9:00 AM ~ His dad arrived. He went to Ryan’s side. Ryan said,”My feet are cold.” His dad put the cover over his feet. I stood in the corner. I was watching the life fade from my beautiful boy. As if I was looking through a window. I began to ask God to do what was best for Ryan. The hardest prayer I would ever pray because I knew Ryan would most likely die.
The team was staidly working on Ryan. So many people, IVs, Antibiotics, X-Rays, lab work, all of this was becoming a blur to me. They had brought in the respirator. Ryan’s dad was trapped between the wall and the gurney where Ryan laid. I was trying to get to him to get him out of the room.
9:20 AM ~ Ryan’s heart stopped. Cold Blue was called!! That horrible hospital call I had heard many times for patients in the hospital. This time it was for my only child, my life. His dad was reaching for him, crying, screaming, “Daddy loves you baby boy,” Before CPR could be started Ryan’s heart on its’ own, started beating. It would beat just long enough for Ryan to tell his dad, “I know.” They gave us the EKGs to prove this miracle we had just witnessed.
I got Bob into the hall. The ER staff asks if we wanted to go next door. I said no, I want to hear when my baby goes home. They brought a chair. I sat with my head leaned against the treatment room door. Bob began to pray. A nurse came and said,” I am going to be Ryan’s ICU nurse.” I said, Ryan is not going to ICU he is going home to the Father. She knelt at my feet and began to pray. The whole ER was crying, even other patients. My family and some of our close friends had arrived.
I heard the doctor ask God to help him save this child.
10:15 AM ~ June 22, 1998, our only child, our beautiful boy was pronounced dead. In just a little over 15 hours Ryan had gone from perfect health to blood coming from every orifice of his body and death.
10:20 AM ~ The ER attending came out crying and said, “I am so sorry I did everything I could.” I hugged him and said thank you. He began to really cry and said, “No one has ever thanked me when their child died. Ryan was a beautiful young man. God Bless You! “
10:30 AM~ We were allowed to go in and see Ryan. Our pastor came in with us. We were not allowed to touch him. They said, he might still be contagious, like we cared. We wanted to go with him. As we were there a justice of the peace came in and said because Ryan had died in less than 24 hours after reaching the ER, he had to have an autopsy. So now they were going to put my beautiful boy in a body bag and take him to a morgue and dissect, probe and cut him to find a cause of death. My God!!
The medical examiner would later tell me because of what the meningococcal bacteria had done to Ryan’s body, he would have been blind, deaf, lost all 4 limbs, had no kidney or adrenal gland function. He had severe brain damage. He went on to say Ryan was a perfect specimen of a young man including he had not one cavity in his mouth, except for what the meningitis had done to his body. “
11:30 AM ~ We left the hospital. Our pastor, Brother Barry, stayed with Ryan until they loaded him in the car. I will never forget this love he showed us and Ryan in our darkest hours.
By the time we got home, I could not even walk. I fell in the yard and screamed and cried.
Oue family and close friends came in and took over everything.
Bob and I went to the bedroom and held each other, prayed and thank God that we had no regrets with our son.
The days that followed were pretty much a blur.
We buried Ryan on Thursday. The funeral home quit counting at over 500 people. Ryan’s funeral was a celebration of life and the Lord. He had 18 pallbearers. They all knelt at his casket and prayed together and they prepared his casket for burial each one of them, kissing him, telling him good night and I love you. Friend after friend came up and told how Ryan had made a difference in their life. The music was beautiful. Brother Barry gave an amazing eulogy and testimony to Ryan’s life. Over 100 people gave their life to the Lord at Ryan’s funeral. A beautiful note was read from a foreign exchange student who had been next door for the last year. She wrote that through Ryan’s life, heart and death she had found a new faith and the Lord.
As we stood at Ryan’s grave spot in the hot Texas heat with hundreds of people, a young man name Curtis Brawly sang Amazing Grace. It was as if the whole world had stopped. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. As if Heaven had came down to where we were.
Within 48 hours I found there was a vaccine that could have saved Ryan. Why did I not know about it? Why was it not available to us? Why did my son died needlessly?
I partnered with 4 other parents, the Waghorn’s, the Kepferle’s and the Garner’s who had lost their children. We went to the drug company that made the only vaccine at the time and educated ourselves on the disease and the vaccine. We spoke with CDC about vaccinating. We each started work that would become life time. Meningitis Angels was started in memory of Ryan.
Since 2001, in Texas, laws have been passed to prevent this deadly disease. Meningitis Angels including Leslie Meigs, Harley Beaty , Joan Vasbinder along with myself have led this advocacy. We still fight!!
I am Frankie Milley, Ryan’s Mom
A Letter Written by Frankie Upon Ryan's Death
Dearest Lord,
Thank you for allowing us to have Ryan. We know you only gave him to us for safe keeping a little while, but that he really belonged to you all along.
He was a creation of love, and of all of the beautiful things of Heaven and Earth.
His voice was as a gentle breeze on a warm summer day. His smile like sunshine through the rain. His eyes like the brightest stars on a dark night.
He loved you Lord, and now he is back at home for you to keep safe where we all hope to be one day.
We ask you, Lord that all those touched by Ryan, who grieve with us will know and understand that your plan is divinely perfect.
We Praise you, Father, for our child and now we fully understand the sacrifice you made with your Son on the cross.
We love You. We praise You.
Frankie and Bob
PS: Hug our baby every day, please Lord, and tell him we will see him as soon as you allow.
Mom and Dad
Thank you for allowing us to have Ryan. We know you only gave him to us for safe keeping a little while, but that he really belonged to you all along.
He was a creation of love, and of all of the beautiful things of Heaven and Earth.
His voice was as a gentle breeze on a warm summer day. His smile like sunshine through the rain. His eyes like the brightest stars on a dark night.
He loved you Lord, and now he is back at home for you to keep safe where we all hope to be one day.
We ask you, Lord that all those touched by Ryan, who grieve with us will know and understand that your plan is divinely perfect.
We Praise you, Father, for our child and now we fully understand the sacrifice you made with your Son on the cross.
We love You. We praise You.
Frankie and Bob
PS: Hug our baby every day, please Lord, and tell him we will see him as soon as you allow.
Mom and Dad
The Heart of Mom
Today there are dark clouds all about me.
On a cold steel table your precious body lays.
Dead to me on this Earth, your soul has gone away.
They will not let me hold or kiss you, you see
for it is not healthy for me.
Do they not know? We too no longer live, your dad and me.
I call out to God, why do You take my precious boy from me?
Your dad can only yell daddy loves you baby boy, for you were all his joy.
We wonder how the world can go on all around us,
And yet our world has stopped you see.
The new day dawns:
The Sun is shining bright, or is that the face of God you now see?
The birds are singing, or is that the bells of Heaven ringing for you and me?
The wind is blowing, or is it the wings of the angels who came for you?
The flowers are blooming, or is it a reminder that your life is all new?
Our hearts are broken!
The memory of you, your face, your smile, your laugh, your voice, the touch of you and yes even the smell of you, only a small token.
But God's Words were spoken. We will see you again.
For God's Word is never broken.
Love, Mom and Dad
Written by Frankie Milley, in Memory of our beautiful boy, Ryan and all the other precious children who have died from Bacterial Meningitis
copyright